


Profiles and Princesses

by DanielleItLouderNow



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Humor, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-28 00:57:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20417228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DanielleItLouderNow/pseuds/DanielleItLouderNow
Summary: A friendly debate in the park as Emily takes some pressure off of JJ from a rambunctious Henry





	Profiles and Princesses

**Author's Note:**

> I think of this every time I watch WallE. It seemed like a good JEmily fic, so here we are.

"WallE is totally a Disney princess," Emily started, nearly out of the blue. JJ had needed backup after a very rambunctious and sugared up Henry returned from his father's house. JJ was now nearly certain that Will did it on purpose as some sort of petty revenge for their failed relationship, or maybe he really just didn't understand the concept of **_no_**, but the behavior was grating and JJ simply couldn't keep up with the 4 year old alone today.

They had been trying their best to '_watch_' WallE when Em had arrived in her car to save the day. And by _watch_, JJ meant she held her head in her hands while Henry imitated the dance moves from _Lost in Yonkers_ with as little grace as EVE did on screen only with much more noise and destruction.

Emily walked in, took one look at JJ before producing a flask and carrying Henry over her shoulders like a sack of potatoes to the car, declaring they were going to the park to enjoy the beautiful weather.

"WallE is **_not_** a Disney princess..." JJ argued, "what's your evidence?"

Emily scoffed, looking offended. "What's the basic _profile_ of a Disney princess?" She asked, her tone challenging. JJ could see the mirth sparkling in her dark eyes, but wasn't exactly willing to rise to meet it.

"It's your case, Em, you tell me," JJ sighed as she watched Henry take another lap around the playground.

"Basically, all Disney princesses have five common elements, right?"

JJ pinched the bridge of her nose and tried hard to hide the grin forming on her lips. "Go on," she prompted, before yelling to Henry not to slide backwards down the slide.

Emily, to her credit held her laughter in and ticked off her evidence on each finger.

"Well, they all have animal sidekicks, they all sing, they all have some nemesis who poses as a chaotic neutral force but is really evil, they are rescued from some dire situation by a white knight esque figure, and they're brought back to their original selves by true love's kiss..." Emily concluded, air quotes and all.

"That's... no Em, that's ridiculous. Your evidence is inconclusive, WallE does not fit the profile."

"Ah, but he does! He's got his little cockroach friend, he hums/whistles/plays recordings, he meets his nemesis Autopilot, EVE rescues him from being shot into space, crushed, and dying, then he remembers his whole personality after EVE kisses him. Not to mention, EVE is literally a shiny, white robot. That's an analogy for a white knight if I've ever seen one! WallE is totally a Disney princess."

"Ooookaayy. Even if all of that is true, WallE can't be a princess," JJ argued.

"Why not?" Emily challenged, catching Henry before he tumbled face first into bench.

"Cuz WallE is a boy's name, duh!" Henry chided before taking off again, leaving both women shocked and laughing.

"Yeah Em, WallE is a boy's name, duh!"

"Robots don't have genders, Jayje," Emily shot back, trying to contain her laughter. "At the very least, WallE and EVE are Disney's first nonbinary gender couple."

"You do realize you're analyzing a child's movie, right?" Not that JJ was hoping for the debate to end, but it did seem silly, which strangely was exactly what she'd needed from Emily: strength, support, and silliness. "Besides, maybe WallE is short for something more masculine," she offered, laughing at the incredulity painted on Emily's face.

"Says the woman who goes by JJ, because that's totally gender specific... besides, what the hell would WallE short for, anyway?"

JJ adopted her best thinking face, pursing her lips and tapping her chin. "Oh, I don't know. Wallace? Walter? Wombat?"

"_Wombat_? Admit it, you're reaching, Jennifer!" Emily laughed, her head tilting back, a smile etched into her features. If JJ could freeze time, she'd choose this moment and carry it with her always.

"Alright, fine. It's possible WallE doesn't have a specific gender. But let's talk about this true love bullshit. He's known EVE what, for like a week?"

Emily's brow creased as she considered, her bottom lip finding its way into her mouth. "Irrelevant," she concluded. "Love at first sight, again, a shared commonality between all Disney princesses."

"But--," JJ spluttered. She couldn't believe she'd actually given Emily more ammo to prove her point.

"The only faster progression of quote unquote _true love_ I've seen in antiquated cinematic presentation is that of Romeo and Juliet," Emily continued, unperturbed as Henry jumped into her lap and dangled his head backwards between her feet. "And you _know_ how I feel about that..."

JJ scoffed. "Take note, Henry. Shakespeare _isn't_ pretentious, it's fans of Shakespeare that are. Like Aunty Em." Though Henry, being only four, heard pretentious as pretend and neither knowing nor caring who Shakespeare was, grabbed the nearest stick and took off, shaking it violently, yelling "_aaaarrrrggggghhhhh! Shake! Spear! Shake! Spear! I shake spear!_" much to JJ's chagrin.

"Oh come on, Jayje, let's not pretend like Shakespeare is something more than he is," Em chided, following Henry's antics with more interest now that injury seemed imminent.

"Mmm," JJ hummed, "and what's that?"

"A dirty old man who got paid by the word so he had to '_class up_' his writing by adding in depth descriptions and making up words so his gratuitous sexual humor was deemed acceptable so as not to get him hanged."

"Ah, Mercucio's death scene," JJ tutted.

"Yes, all three _pages_ of it. But again, you know how I feel about that play. It's absolutely ludicrous to attribute this, this high regard for a man, claiming him to be classy, when really he liked dirty jokes, wrote wordy, mediocre plays at best-for the times-that kissed royalties' ass, and was bisexual. But we leave _that_ part out because isn't high brow..."

At this point JJ had turned on the bench to fully admire Emily arguing her point, noting the passion that flickered in her eyes, the determined set of her jaw. The words fell from her mouth almost as soon as they entered her mind.

"You're so cute when you get all academic," her eyes widening in surprise as her cheeks turned a lovely shade of pink. "I MEAN--ohhh fuck, _that wasn't supposed to be out loud!_" She chastised herself, burying her face in her hands.

Emily, for her part, did well to hide the shock, save for a momentary drop of her jaw before composing her features into something more platonic than before.

"_Jayje_," she cooed, her hands covering JJ's on so she could meet her eyes, "it's ok. I know what you meant."

It was that moment, seeing the small glimmer of hope in Emily's eyes, the absolute trust, the love, that JJ made her decision. She'd already tipped her hand, might as well bet the farm. Gazing into Emily's eyes, she was certain there was no downside.

"Do you," she asked, before leaning closer and pressing a soft kiss to Emily's mouth.

It took a fraction of a second for Emily to register the pressure of JJ's lips on her own, and even less than that to return the kiss in full and more.

"Maybe I didn't," Emily said through a smile, "but I like the way you think."

"Good!" JJ laughed, before laying a chaste peck to Emily's lips, "because WallE is totally _not_ a Disney princess."


End file.
